it was a day filled with laughter, fears, hopes n tears.
ok that sounded rlly corny, but that was rlly what happened too.
the stress n the heat, the feeling has always been the same for us before every single match. the other three got rlly demoralised tdy n the days before, we almost died on ourselves. i was trying to lift their spirits but i broke down during assembly period too. things became better when i received my ppr, i think me n Shiai went insane. we went TOTALLY HIGH on our L1R5, weren't we? received hugs n well wishes, i didnt feel qte prepared for the real thing though.
n then the moment came. n i got so nervous i could not even speak properly, n i prayed. n i walked into the room, n i felt good, n i kept smiling, n everything was fine. i would even dare say tht i performed the best in this, as i did not stumble much upon my words. uttered some nonsense during zi you bian lun (as usual), everything seemed alright. although the atmosphere was heated, it wasnt as aggresive as the previous two. we all ended the debate with a smile n a handshake. everything was good.
n then i started flustering during cca. poor Evonne, i whined, screamed, talked rubbish..
Anges broke the news, "we lost".
i walked out of the band room, i cried. n i cried. n i cried some more. 8740814 nothings were running through my head. angst, hurt, pain, despair, uncertainty, wasted, injust, UNFAIRNESS...
i was totally broken. i would say tht we did well. n we were this close to the finals. this close to the chocolates. this close to the stage. this close to a match in front of the whole sch.
THIS close.
so i was being this selfish, irritating, self-piteous person.
i cant help it.
-
i took so long to write this.
but anyway, im feeling way btr now. listened to Where Is The Love (randomness), n i thought a lot. i rlly learnt so much throughout this whole debate journey, n never in my life had i ever thought i would debate, in CHINESE. being 3rd doesnt sound so bad after all :)
n i rlly wanna thank these people, sounds so cliche but aiyer.
-Chuwen, di si bian, the spark of the team, that made us come so far, n for nv failing to tickle me during discussions.
-Jenny, di san bian, for being such a great friend, supporting all of us n all.
-Yijia, di er bian, for helping me throughout the whole thing, n although u are always on the verge of giving up, u never did.
-Weiling, for being so selfless, n although ur class lost to ours, u did not mind at all n helped us with the research too. n of course for all your sweet msgs.
-Yushi, for being the first person to hear me rant n cry over the phone. ur hugs made me felt like a teddy bear.
-Val, for talking to me. all u said rlly made sense, it's all abt the process n not the results of it.
-Shiai Flop n Celeste, for ur undying love n support for me.
-all who have gave their well wishes, all who have comforted me aft the results.
n thank u God for helping me make it through this whole thing, n giving me wonderful friends like these :)
n plsplspls everybody, pls do not go to school tmr n say smth like "eh Elaine, we lost? REALLY? u sure? got double check?" or "are u ok? are u sad?". i appreciate, but it will do nth but to trigger my tear ducts. enough. i'll move on.
n lastly, all the best to 3 charity for the finals. Simin, Kah Yee, Wendy n Sinyee, u guys were rlly gd :) wo3 hui4 ting2 ni3 men2 dao4 di3!
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all